Attempted automated wordcount. Please use LibreOffice/MSOffice for an accurate count: 2853

thanks, author! If you wish to have this removed from this list, email ra.llan.pcl+complaints @ gmail.com, making sure to provide proof that you are the author.

Big Daddy Mac

An MLP:FiM ship-fic by Midnight Shadow

Disclaimer: chew your food before swallowing, don’t look a gift-horse in the mouth and avoid staying under trees when in stormy weather

***

Early to rise, early to bed, that’s what they say. Macintosh finished his chores and curled up in his little barn on the outskirts of the huge applefarm his extended family was busy successfully running.

Everyone knew to leave him alone when he bed down in that barn, that was the good thing with being “Big Mac”. But tonight was a special night, he didn’t plan on sleeping too long, just long enough.

***

It was later, the moon was up, Luna once again ruling the night sky. Big Mac heaved himself out of his bed and stood in front of the mirror. Pulling himself upright, he went to a little-used and oft locked cupboard and took out two items - a big velour hat and a silver-topped cane. Earth ponies like Macintosh rarely have magic. They can, however, learn to use magic either bestowed upon them or discovered. Mac had paid for his magic, and paid well...and it had paid off.

Mac had found, when he was a younger colt fresh from graduating out of “foal” status, that he had been blessed with various “attributes” that other ponies hadn’t. At first it got him into trouble, not so much scandal as it was almost a way of life at the Sweet Apple Acres Ranch, but it sure had been hard to assimilate the first few waves of extra “long lost cousins” until he’d finally been sat down and introduced to a little farm-e-co-logy or whatever that long word was that meant “medicine to stop what aint wanted and start what is”. Eventually he’d decided that, if he didn’t have the brains for running a ranch he’d use he was good at. The only problem was how not to let the word out further than necessary, and that had taken some doing...but it had been solved.

With the right magic phrases, and the accompanying velour hat and cane, Mac’s colour changed to a deep, luscious purple velvet. Even his cutie-mark changed, to that self-same hat and cane. When he turned around, still on two legs to make displaying his obvious attributes easier, he was a new pony.

He was now “Big Daddy” - to a select few who knew, he was Big Daddy Mac.

There was a discrete knock at the door, and when he opened it, two giggling pegasus pony girls were there, “aww sugars,” he said, “right on time for Big Daddy, huh?”

The two fillies, twins, just giggled and nodded, they weren’t known for saying much which was why he kept them.

“Well sugars, Big Daddy has an appointment tonight, so we got no time to play...” the two fillies pouted and sniffed, clearly upset, “but I tell you what my honeybuns, Big Daddy will give you girls some extra sugar later to make up, huh?” and he slapped both their rumps playfully with his tail before sitting himself down in his sky-carriage and blowing them a kiss to signal his readiness to go.

***

Further near town, known far and wide to those with the right connections - sometimes it meant money, sometimes you had to know the right pony - was a special club. Some called it “The Prancing Pony”, others just called it “The Club” and it was very popular. Nobody ever talked about what went on inside and it was all very discrete, very expensive, and very lucrative. Mac noticed with a smug smile of satisfaction that Celestia’s private opulent booth was very decidedly occupied. It was a pity she was generally a fillyfooler, the few times they’d had a roll in the hay...well...but tonight was a special occasion, a new client was visiting.

In the darkened main room, the door opened, and a hooded, timid figure creeped in. She was so timid she almost came in backwards and upside down rather than enter the room. Mac shooed some of his girls off to take care of the rowdier patrons and he himself went down to meet her.

The yellow pony under the ridiculously obvious cover had three pink butterflies on her rump. “Fluttershy?” said Mac to himself, and smiled, she was so timid it would take some extra special attention to keep her from bolting.

“Hey there sweet thing,” said Mac from behind her. She tried to bolt and ran straight into him since he’d snuck by and closed the door, shutting out the night, “woah, woah...calm yourself honey, it’s okay, aint nobody gonna hurt y’here now.”

“But...I...uh...I...and...I...”

“Sssshhh there darlin’, we’re all friends here, just come have a drink, it’s all on me. I’ve seen you snoopin’ around and before you get yourself all in a bother I think you should stick around long enough to know if’n you’se wantin’ to stay, hmm?”

He expertly moved her towards not the bar, but a booth, despite her weak protestations - she’d been trotting around outside and poking her nose through the door enough for him to know what she wanted, but being Fluttershy it had obviously been to much to take that last step until tonight. He wasn’t about to force himself or anypony on such a sweet filly - he’d made geldings of the few clients who had tried with his girls and his rep as a pimp was well known - but it was clear her intentions, and letting her flutter about was starting to get bad for business. So he lit a scented candle and plumped down on the floor cushions and bade her do the same, despite her spluttering and iffing and butting she did the same, now more red than yellow.

The evening wore on slowly, he didn’t ply her with drinks, just enough for her to loosen up and finally, as the candle was all but burnt out he leant in and put a hoof to her nose, “now, you know what we’ve got on offer in here lass - and as a gesture of kindness, I’ll offer this first one for free,”

he leant back again, opening his thick strong masculine legs, exposing his attributes for her appreciation, “we’ll be real careful, “

“ooohhh....oh...oh my...” fluttershy, not long on words, was even more quiet than usual.

“I’ll show you a slice of Big Daddy, hon, and if you want to come back for more, we can negotiate you a sweet colt or a tender filly,” he shushed her bright-red blushing protestations and carried on, “we deal with all sorts here lil lamb, and nothing that goes on within these four walls goes anywhere else. If you want to leave, there’s the door, nobody will look, nobody will know, but I can’t have something as sweet as you on display outside, some of the sorts we don’t let in here might get the wrong idea and I can’t be havin’ that. If, on t’other hand, you think you wanna ride with the Big Daddy then I got all night long, now, what do you say?”

“I...I think...” said fluttershy, and she leaned in closer, and softly planted a kiss on Mac’s nose. He smiled and nickered softly and pulled her in.

***

It was much later, Mac had slept after she’d left, it wasn’t morning but it was getting that way. He yawned and stretched and sniffed himself, “faux, I’ll have to wash if’n Imma gonna be presentable tomorra’”, and got up, calling for his two pegasus ponies to help take him home.

At home, he called them in, “come on there now sugars, Big Daddy knows he’s gotta make it up to his two favourite fillies, can’t be havin’ none o’that there bawling ‘bout him sharing hisself out none, y’hear?”

Big Daddy Mac smiled to himself as he steeled himself for not one but two repeat performances - at the same time no less. Yeah, Fluttershy (whom he had sent home guarded by two of his best, most discrete guard-dogs to be sure of no problems for the filly) would stagger home, wash the scent of their rutting off, probably spend a day or two in bed and then when she could walk straight again without it being so obvious she’d been serviced by a serious stallion, she’d slowly begin to pine for some more of the Big Daddy pie.

Ohhhh yeaahhhhh but he was good at what he did.

“Come on babes, Big Daddy’s a’wastin’...and just for you two I’ll leave ma hat on. Fetch the crop and bit, I’m feelin’ extra frisky!”

Night eventually gave way to morning, but not without a fair deal of giggling, neighing, nickering, whip-cracks and sensual moaning. Unsurprisingly perhaps, Macintosh came down with a stomach bug the next day and had to stay in bed, but it was okay, he had two long lost pegasus ponycousins to help him recuperate.

Big Daddy Mac Doesn’t Dash

An MLP FiM ship-fic by Midnight Shadow

Disclaimer: If you don’t know what’s going on in this story, go ask your parents. Look both ways before crossing the street. Don’t make a face like that, it’ll stick if the wind changes.

***

Everything was perfect - things were always smooth down at the Prancing Pony Club, but tonight everything was extra fine. Big Daddy Mac had reserved the royal booth, he’d chased away the more bothersome clients downstairs (if they were lucky - nobody talked about the club, even less talked about the apple cellar) or upstairs. The lights had been turned down lower than before. The band was playing so laid back they were almost horizontal.

Mac looked around his club - he didn’t really run it so much as participate in it. It had really taken on a life of it’s own, with it’s thick, luxurious velvet curtains, plump cushions instead of seats, oak wooden floors, walls and ceilings, it just oozed sophistication - and so did Big Daddy Mac.

Tonight, a very special guest was coming. Mac loved all his customers, but this particular filly he had had his eye on for a long time. Once you were a member of the club, you could more or less come as you please - if you expected certain favours you had better be able to pay up or barter in kind and book in advance. When you weren’t, however, you had to be let in. If your pledge messed up, you were both out. This kept the riffraff to a minimum, but also meant that relatve few ponies even knew this place existed outside of rumour and scuttlebut.

The door opened, and a hooded figure slinked in, “What is it with ponies and those hoods?” asked Mac rhetorically, “are they all going to the same place to get them?”

***

Time passes, as it does. Winter was wrapped up and spring came again, the weather grew wonderful and warm. Dash, however, was not feeling quite so good...almost the second after opening her eyes, as she had for most mornings lately, she found herself rushing to make an offering to the porcelein god.

“Food poisoning my feathers! I’m not sick, this isn’t any stomach bug I’ve ever heard of...”

Dash absently rubbed her stomach, she was getting fat, and yet she wasn’t eating more than usual...pegasus ponies needed a lot to eat to help keep their energy levels up for flying, and Dash was one of the more active ponies, “or at least I usually...usually am...oh no...”

Dash dropped her muzzle down the pan again. There was nothing left to give but her stomach tried anyway, “that’s it...I’m going to the doctors...well...to a doctor. Well to Twilight, she’ll know what to do, I hope...”

Dash stepped out of her cloud palace and waded towards...waded...Dash looked down, she was halfway into the cloud surrounding her home. With an effort, she pulled herself up but still found herself sinking. It didn’t get any better as she flapped her way very ungainly down to Ponyville, barely making the balcony of the library that Twilight Sparkle had relatively recently made her home. Distraught now, she hammered on the door, “Twilight! Twilight Sparkle! Open up! Open...”

The door was yanked open and Dash found herself clopping her friend right on the noggin. Twilights eyes spun around twice before she shook her head to clear them, “Rainbow Dash, what in Equestria is the problem at this time in the morning?”

“I’ve been feeling real sick lately, and, uh, it’s not getting any better and now this morning I could barely make it across the clouds...I think it’s something serious! You gotta help me...you just gotta!”

“You’ve been sick? And you almost fell through the clouds? How’s your flying?”

“Oh it’s just awful, I’m so sick I can barely fly! What could it be? And I’m getting so fat! I’m a fat fat fatty fatty fat fat and I hate it!”

“You’re fat?” asked Twilight, raising an eyebrow and peering at Dash’s undercarriage, “wait a minute...let me take a look at that...”

Twilight vanished into a room and returned a short while later with a headlamp on her brow and a stethoscope around her neck. She had a spatula in her mouth and a serious look in her eyes, “Dash, open wide and say ahh...that’s right, stick out your tongue...hmm, looks quite normal. Bad breath, phew, brush your teeth next time first...let’s listen to those lungs...”

Dash winced a little, despite her hair those things were cold, “I just don’t understand it, I’m getting so fat. Fat’s a bad thing for us pegasus! We can’t fly if we’re fat!”

“Hmm...well your heart sounds okay, good and strong - I’m not a doctor, you really should try-”

“Nuh-uh, you first, you’re my friend.”

“Well okay, I’m not really sure what I’m listening for but breathe in...out...that’s right...in...” Twilight moved down her friend’s flank. Finally she gave up and put her ear to the pony, and her eyes went wide. She put a hoof, very carefully, and waited...then she giggled, “oh goodness Dash, there’s something you’ve not been telling me...”

“What? What is it? Am I going to die? Am I going to go bald and have all my feathers fall out? I’m going to swell up like a giant balloon and be FatDash, aren’t I? Tell me...tell me how sick I am...how long have I got?”

“About six to nine months.”

Dash just stopped, her muzzle fell open - she stayed there for a good minute, just her muzzle working, “six months? To live?”

“Not quite...”

“Less??”

“No, silly...six months or so until your life changes forever...” Twilight leaned in closer to whisper, making appropriate hoof gestures and pointing, making shapes, explaining...the colour drained out of Dash’s face,

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M...?? OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH... what am I gonna tell...but I’m gonna have to...AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!”

***

Big Mac was packing. He knew this would come, he had his escape planned out - the club’s location a secret, bits stashed behind the old salt-lick, a fake passport behind the bathroom mirror...he was almost home free. Almost.

“BIIIGGG MAAACCCCC!!” Yelled AJ, running full-tilt to the barn, “YOU GET YOUR BIG FAT RED MISBEGOTTEN TWO-TIMIN’ NO-GOOD YELLOW-BELLIED TREACHEROUS HIDE OUT HERE LICKEY-SPIT THIS VERY SECOND OR SO HELP ME I WILL GELD YOU WERE YOU STAND!”

She was mad...Big Mac’s ears flattened against his head and his eyes widened, showing the whites, nowhere left to go...he was done for...

AJ found him in the barn, cowering under an old blanket. Big Mac was big enough that it barely covered his head. She harrumphed and blew a stray lock of hair out of her eyes and grabbed his tail by the teeth, pulling him out the door into the glaring, accusing, sunlight.

“You better git up this’ere second big brother and start yappin’ or so help me...Granny! Fetch tha brandin’ iron!”

“Li’l sister, I, uh...well...”

“Ah knew somethin’ was up! Ah knew it! Tarnation but ah knew it! T’aint nopony needs none o’his or her pay like you do! And what was you doin’ with it, huh? Livin’ it up like...like...”

“Nuh uh, AJ, can’t say as I was. I needed that money fair’n square, same as I earned it!”

“What for?”

“For t’alipony. I aint gonna be leavin’ no foal behind y’hear?”

“AN’ HOW MANY GOSH DARNED MISBEGOTTEN FOALS IS MY BIG DUMB BROTHER GONNA BE HAVIN’ NOW?” Shouted AJ, she shouted so hard her hat fell off. She picked it up and then threw it down again and all but stamped it flat.

“I, uh, well, ah, y’see...”

“YA DURNED KNOCKED UP DASH! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FER YERSELF?”

“Um...at least we know she aint no filly-fooler, huh?”

Applejack blinked, Dash (who had by now arrived with her friends despite her condition, almost in time to stop her friend setting-to her bigger brother) blanched and then blushed a deeper shade of red than Big Mac. Fluttershy was so traumatised she almost fainted...

“Oh boy,” said Apple Blossom, “you’re in sooooo much trouble now!”

“A-yyyyyyuuup!” said Dinky, she’d arrived moments ago with her pal Apple Blossom, but hadn’t missed the fun. Almost nopony in Ponyville had missed it.

AJ looked down at Dinky, then up and back at Mac, “Oh. My. Gosh. You didn’t!”